I don't want to go on dinner date or watch movies together every time. I don't want to jump out of a plane or ride a zip-line to get the dopamine flowing. I don't want to dangle from a chandelier. These are fine suggestions to beat a passion plateau. But they take TIME (not to mention acrobatic skills), which some of us don't exactly have.
I did, however, find some great, quick ideas on the run:
IF YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS…. Hit pause. This will come in handy the next time she’s really bugging you. Before one righteous word flies out of your mouth, FREEZE. Just watch her for 10 seconds. Visualize yourself in her shoes. Visualize her as she looked the first time you fell for her. Pause the action. (In email terms, it’s a kind of a Save As Draft so you don’t actually send the inflammatory message). It might occur to you that “a few minutes late” isn’t worth a fight.
IF YOU HAVE A MINUTE… This is from a great article in the current Scientific American Mind by Robert Epstein: Embrace each other gently and gradually synchronize your breathing with her. Just stand there inhaling and exhaling together, as if you were one being. A minute or two of this, apparently, lowers your inhibitions—and that can help people bond.
IF YOU HAVE 2 MINUTES… Jot down three things she has done lately that you appreciate. Send the list as a note to her in an email at work or send her a text message. Or slip it under her coffee mug in the morning. Yeah, it’s a tad corny, but experts say it really works. Certainly, if there’s one thing the research on happy long-term couples shows, it’s that they figure out how to accentuate the positive. “When you say or list what you appreciate on her, it brings those things more to the forefront of the mind,” says Gail Saltz, MD, Today Show commentator and author ofThe Ripple Effect: How Better Sex Can Lead to a Better Life. “It also prompts her to say what she really appreciates about you.”
IF YOU HAVE 3 MINUTES… Here’s another good one from Epstein: Standing or sitting fairly close to your partner, start moving your hands, arms, and legs any way you like—but in a fashion that perfectly mimics hers. “This is fun but also challenging,” Epstein writes. “You will both feel as if you are moving voluntarily, but your actions are also linked to those of your partner.” See if this doesn’t activate your empathy circuits.
IF YOU’VE GOT 5 MINUTES… Try a daily forgiveness ritual, suggests Sharon Salzberg, a revered spiritual teacher and cofounder of the Insight Meditation Society in Barre, Massachusetts. It's like a little shot of immunity to prevent you from fighting. Find a quiet spot to sit, and let these phrases go through your mind: If I have hurt or harmed you, knowing or unknowingly, I ask your forgiveness. If you have hurt or harmed me, knowingly or unknowingly, I forgive you. “You’re not saying, ‘It's all right that you did that,’" Salzberg explains. You’re just opening up your mind to ideas like, "I let go of seeing you solely as the perpetrator; I understand the conditions that led to that action,” and, “I am not identifying myself only as the person who was hurt; I’m bigger than that.” You may even realize, “I have to let go of unrelieved anger to have any space for love to grow.” See if 5 minutes a day doesn’t warm up the love dynamic. For a real intimacy boost? Get her to do it too.
" Does the LOVE that started unexpectedly, lasts endlessly? "
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