Crusade of Waiting

We haven’t been playing with rainbows lately, the colors are still there…vibrant as it was and waiting for us. I haven’t spoken your name since then but I really miss weaving our fantasies into one big masterpiece.

Last night, the moon asked about you. I could not talk but I know you are out there…somewhere with someone. How I long to see you and entwined our worlds together.

Last night, I close my eyes and tried to reach for your hand and I have held it.It was so warm as it enveloped by being. Nevertheless, you never questioned why mine felt so cold. I then never knew you haven’t noticed it.

I seemed lost, stumbling, falling in a swoop. The wind pushed with brute force and came screaming, yanking, bouncing. It was terrible as blood went falling down my cheeks. My feet felt so sore. I was tired of walking. My legs were shaking as bruises were out open. I don’t know where I am going, but I’m on my way…somewhere…called a space…maybe my own place, or a so-called emptiness…ahh, emptiness – I hate this world! I can’t even taste it on the tip of my tongue.

I felt so alone. I can never feel the presence of my breathe. I am still here since you left me, it rained that time. All soaked, I was walking and I can’t even determined was the tears and raindrops falling on my face. Like the person whom I can’t figure who is the friend and adversary.

My life was in turmoil since you left. I was filled with undefined emotions and vague points of view. You never let me sleep at night, like a ghost who hunts me. And when storm and lightning strikes, I winced in a dark corner… I’m helpless… I feel worthless…

The exhausting bed time turns to be a nightmare and in the other world, for all intents. I found myself dreaming of you. We were together, not playing with rainbows, but embracing each other…so tight…no words spoken…our hearts talked. I haven’t blurted my pains because it will cause you to pity me. As long as I know you are there…it is enough.

I was filled with such contentment that time, if only I could freeze it. But I woke up sluggish and teary eyed. I wished I never opened my eyes. I missed you! I blamed no one but time, it’s never a friend. He is sometimes too fast that I catch my breathe when I’m after it and too slow when I needed it too badly.

I wanted to take you with me… cradle you in my arms and soothe an aching heart, fill an empty longing and nourished an untamed heart.

I’m always uncertain how to make music in my life, out of the tempo you taught me. Somehow, I tried to be happy, though behind my smiles were tears that were kept over the years… I’m a slave of my past, trying to find my way to myself. The anger I felt made spell curses. I spoke morbidly and there was hostility in the emptiness I felt. I accepted defeat and hopelessly lost heart: everyday was an encounter of black, blue and gray hues.

As I was absorbed in the colors of my life, reflecting who am I…I heard your voice and it leads me to a crystal morning…I watched the sunset alone…it was a dramatic downfall, when the ocean swallowed its great colors…made me sob.

It brought certain nostalgia of you, of the people I once loved…of everything that went a pass my palm…I’m still waiting...